Best Ofs 2007

As we stand halfway finished with 2007, it is time to start compiling my best of lists. For those of you who know me... or know at least one male, it shouldn't surprise you that I/we painstakingly like to compile, categorize and rank all the meaningless drivel we spend our free time accumulating and consuming.

Frankly, these lists are the only way I can justify the amount of time I spend not making myself smarter, more fit or more accomplished.

If it weren't for these lists, I might start feeling like a loser.

Anyway, I'm still burned out from that 2-part "Sex and the City" blog and I needed something to enter here this week. Like it or not, this totally counts!

It only counts for two weeks though, then I'm closing it down until January, where then, you'll be able to get the full depth of my neurotic dorkiness.

Enjoy.

Top 20 Movies of 2007

20. Charlie Wilson's War (3.0, December)
19. Grindhouse (3.0, April)
18. Hairspray (3.0 July)
17. Lions for Lambs (3.0, November)
16. The Hoax (3.0, April)
15. An Unreasonable Man (3.0, February)
14. 300 (3.0, March)
13. Atonement (3.0, December)
12. Ratatouille (3.0, June)
11. Juno (3.0, December)
10. The Simpsons Movie (3.0, July)
09. Once (3.0, September)
08. Beowulf (3.5, November)
07. Knocked Up (3.5, June)
06. No Country for Old Men (3.5, November)
05. Sicko (3.5, July)
04. Super Bad (3.5, August)
03. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (3.5, October)
02. There Will Be Blood (3.5, December)
01. Michael Clayton (4.0, October)



Top 25 Songs of 2007

25. TOOK OUT A LOAN - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. Honestly, the song as a whole is only moderately kickass, but the buzz bass breakdown halfway through is enough to make me want to challenge each of you to a street brawl.
24. SPLIT ME WIDE OPEN - The Bravery. I wish more people would rip off U2 so that maybe Bono could just be a crusader full time and we wouldn't have to watch him attempt to keep rhythm on stage anymore.
23. HOMECOMING - Kanye West (feat. Chris Martin). It's getting to the point where there just isn't any duet that's "crazy" anymore. Irony fucks everything up.
22. TIMEBOMB - Beck. Best scientologist song of the year. We'll see if Will Smith has a follow-up to "Switch" for 2008.
21. COMFY IN NAUTICA - Panda Bear. Y'know it's weird. I was just thinking how neat it would be if some dude utilized massive amounts of echo on his voice to sound like Brian Wilson after Brian Wilson became insanely depressed. POOF! Panda Bear.
20. CAN'T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD - VHS or Beta. If I had a synthesizer, Zak could sing and Jason could play the drums, this is probably the song the three of us would have chosen as our first single.
19. HOP A PLANE - Tegan & Sara. Ohmigod, what is Adam doing? Does he know that he has a penis? Perhaps he got rid of his penis? Has Adam become a "vagatarian?" Doesn't he remember the Decemberists fiasco of 2005? If Little Steven says they're okay, that's good enough for me. Question: Does lesbianism make two female singers better or worse on principle?
18. IF THE BRAKEMAN TURNS MY WAY - Bright Eyes. In a year where everyone from The Nightwatchmen to Arcade Fire were ripping off Springsteen, this is the best of 'em all (discluding any Springsteen ripoffs that actually involved Springsteen).
17. ONE TWO THREE FOUR - Feist. I'd like to get a job as part of the marketing division at Apple, but then I'm pretty sure I'd fuck things up and we'd no longer have a steady diet of brilliant commercials with little known musical gems.
16. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS (YOU JUST DO AS YOU'RE TOLD) - The White Stripes. I like trying to figure out if Jack was singing about Meg or Rene Zellweger.
15. EMILY JEAN STOCK - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah. I had to put this on here to maintain my scenster credentials. The final two minutes of this pretty much tells the listener to "turn the radio up," which is a cheap and easy way to get me to put your song on my favorites list.
14. FALLING SLOWLY - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. If you need further proof that this is a good song, consider the fact that I just spent five minutes making sure I had the spelling correct on the names of the performers. Don't laugh, it cost Mott the Hoople several spots on my lists over the years.
13. NO ONE - Alicia Keys. It never fails. Keys puts out a single, I like it, I listen to the album, the rest of the songs suck. It's like she's a one-hit wonder every three years. Which is confusing, but nevertheless true.
12. ICKY THUMP - The White Stripes. I think this song came from space. I can't wait to play this song against alien abductors in 'Guitar Hero 4.' You heard it here first.
11. GIRLFRIEND - Avril Lavigne. The natural thing to do here would be to defend myself, but fuck that. I've got a sweet tooth for pop music. With Blink 182 gone, something's gotta fill that void. Might as well get filled with knee-high socks and blonde streaks.
10. SAME OLD DRAG - The Apples In Stereo. This band is kind of odd because they mostly sing about happiness and space exploration and shit. I forgive them on this track because of solid use of the wah. For those of you keeping track at home: the wah overrules space travel.
9. IN THE MODERN WORLD - Jesse Malin. There are some songs that you just know you're going to like within the first three seconds of hearing it. The beginning just rips into awesomeness that you just can't imagine it going DOWNHILL. I call it the "Chuck Berry Effect." Listen to "Johnny B. Goode," "Won't Get Fooled Again" (which is certainly not by Chuck Berry, but has the same result), or this song.
8. BROKEN RADIO - Jesse Malin (feat. Bruce Springsteen). The only "slow" song in the top 10. It's saving grace is that Springsteen shows up in the track to trade verses. A good year for "Radio" songs involving Springsteen.
7. 7 STARS - The Apples In Stereo. I know what you're thinking and yes, I DID only rank this at seven because of the song title. If half of you can list 3/4 of the 'Into the Wild' soundtrack on your lists I can rank songs according to number connectedness.
6. LIVIN' IN THE FUTURE - Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band. This is the best ripoff of 'Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out' I've ever heard, which caused me to struggle with where to rank self-plagiarism. Spoiler alert: I ended up ranking self-plagiarism sixth.
5. 15 - Rilo Kiley. What people like best about Dusty Springfield or Nancy Sinatra, I like about this song. Best use of horns in 2007.
4. I STILL REMEMBER - Bloc Party. This is the power of a rippin' hook. Although no synthesized hook - no matter how good - gets a song into the top 3.
3. RAG & BONE - The White Stripes. Jack and Meg go junkin' for rich people's unwanted goods. Okay, but does it have overdrive and and heavy snare? Excellent.
2. FLUORESCENT ADOLESCENT - Arctic Monkeys. This is the best song about an aging woman not getting as much ass as she used to. That's a fairly narrow song theme, but if you're gonna sing about it, might as well make it the best ever.
1. RADIO NOWHERE - Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band. I too just want to hear some rhythm and anyone who doesn't, clearly has a foreign object lodged into the part of their brain controlling both reason and logic.


TOP 10 ALBUMS of 2007

10.Neon Bible - Arcade Fire.
9. The Stage Names - Okkervil River.
8. Calling the World - Rooney.
7. New Magnetic Wonder - The Apples In Stereo
6. Under the Blacklight - Rilo Kiley.
5. Glitter in the Gutter - Jesse Malin.
4. Sawdust - The Killers.
3. Person Pitch - Panda Bear (2.14 rating)
2. Icky Thump - The White Stripes (2.53 rating)
1. Magic - Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band (3.00 rating)

Special Recognition: Costello Music - The Fratellis. (rating: 3.00)

I believe this album to be the best album released in America in 2007. Unfortunately, this album was also released in the UK in the Fall of 2006, I heard it in December and can't claim not to have had access to it before the start of the New Year.

This is a clear-cut-case of an album falling through the cracks of my own stupid rules.

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For last year's Best Ofs click here.

Seat ettiquette.

Sitting down next to fat people vs. people with bags of shit.
Getting up and offending someone. Switching seats.

Cell Phone Tango

It's not that I'm ignoring you, the caller. I'm ignoring the call. Forgive me.

It's fairly well established that when it comes to cell phone etiquette, I leave much to be desired. I rarely return missed calls if no message is left, I don't often conclude text message conversations, I can't be trusted to answer my cell when it rings no matter when it rings or who it is.

When discussing cell phone etiquette, by all accounts, I'm an inconsiderate jerk.

Most people I know (especially the people that call me) follow the established rules of interacting on the cell phone. My problem isn't with understanding these expectations but in identifying who set these expectations.

When I graduated high school, very few of my classmates had cell phones. By the time graduated college four years later, I was in a severe minority of those who still did not own one.

Four years is an extremely short time to establish socially acceptable behavior for an entirely new technology, especially after spending the first 22 years of my life working under a different set of expectations.

Immediacy is the ingredient adding most of the flavor to the cell rules I so loathe. When home phones were the norm, if the person you were calling wasn't home, you waited, or you went to plan B (if you had one). Cell phones provide a tacit agreement that anyone with your phone numbers as immediate access to you.

Oak Parking Restrictions

I am not a cranky old man, but for the length of this letter I'm sure going to sound like one.

I've lived in Oak Park for the better part of 17 years and when I first arrived, I remember this town resting on the laurels safety, architectural intrigue and commitment to community. But let's recount the reality of these commitments shall we?

Stand on any corner of town and you'll find twice as many parking regulation signs as mom'n'pop stores, a commitment born only from the village seeking a way to correct for mistakes they've been making for a decade.

I'm not the first to voice rage at the parking meter infestation plaguing our village and every commercial establishment in it, nor will I be the last. Even downtown Chicago isn't so blatant about not wanting its citizens to leave their homes.

Isn't this land theft exactly what the early settlers did to the American Indians? My grandkids better get free Fenwick enrollment and casino reparations to make up for all the miles I'm forced to walk because I don't have the dozen quarters it takes to park my car downtown to run errands.

I look forward to the first Saturday where Lake Street looks like a ghost town because Oak Parkers are all waiting until Sunday to drive anywhere with meters.

Which is now everywhere.

And as far as the architecture, I've taken the Frank Lloyd Wright tours. I'm over it. If the village wants to attract more residents, give them all a reason to reside here.