Chinese Democracy

I finally listened to Guns 'n' Roses' new album "Chinese Democracy," an album that I was admittedly more intrigued by than excited for. This album was not only supposed to come out back when it would have been called a record, but it was also supposed to be awesome. It was supposed to revolutionize - not just rock music - all music.*

* Full disclosure: when "Appetite for Destruction" came out, I was aware of it, but can't claim to have been a fan. My Guns 'n' Roses fandom came retroactively, but I would still argue that it nevertheless came genuinely. I wasn't listening to them to be cool, I would have listened to them in the late eighties if that were the case. I was just listening to other types of things when they were peaking. But because I was aware of them and knew kinda what they were about, I was able to apply that perspective to their music long after it was released.

Paleontologists aren't bandwagon jumpers for discovering truths about dinosaurs millenniums late, they're just tardy.

How revolutionary was "Chinese Democracy" supposed to be? Imagine if John Lennon said the Beatles had something really special planned to make up for "Let it Be?" The "next" G 'n' R album was supposed to be "Stairway to Heaven" big. And unlike the all-too-familiar hype machines surrounding large portions of today's music, G 'n' R fans believed. They believed irrationally perhaps, but they believed. I suppose with some musicians, fans will always believe, no matter how many times they are disappointed. If The Rolling Stones held a press conference tomorrow and said they just finished recording what they consider their best record since "Exile on Main Street" everyone would roll their eyes, talk about how they haven't done anything good since "Some Girls" and then stand in line at the Wal-Mart at four in the morning chomping at the bit to buy it the moment the store opened, even if they had to trample someone to get it.**

**Too soon? It's probably always too soon for Wal-Mart trampling stories, huh? Also, why wouldn't the hypothetical Stones fan just download the thing at midnight from iTunes? Probably because only out-of-touch 90-year-olds enjoy NEW Rolling Stones albums.

And this is why "Chinese Democracy" is worth blogging about (along with posting the superfluous photo of Axl with Bruce to your right). It's the last connection to a dead era that many rock fans wish never died. Most of us never imagined Guns 'n' Roses (or Axl Rose, if we're splitting hairs) had any more music in him, but there was always a miracle possible as long as that album never came out. The Stones came out with "Tattoo You" in 1983, about seven years after many critics first pronounced them dead. The Beach Boys danced with John Stamos to "Kokomo," which was not a good song, but was a big hit and happened decades after Brian Wilson parted ways with the Beach Boys. So maybe, just maybe whenever "Chinese Democracy" came out, it would be a miracle. The kind of miracle that would simultaneousy bring us back to the past and bring the past to us. No Doubt brought back ska and Brian Setzer brought back swing, why can't Guns 'n' Roses bring back legit hair metal?

So...? How is "Chinese Democracy?"

The best way I can think to describe it is to bring you into my living room on February 4, 2007. Many of my friends and I gathered around the television to watch the Bears battle the Colts in Superbowl XLI. People outside of Chicago might not understand, but for those Bears fans reading this, I'm sure you remember Devin Hester's return kickoff for a touchdown on the very first play of the game.



I'm not even a big football fan, but watching that 19 second play was just about the most exhilaratingly unifying moment of joy and relief. That moment was everything Bears fans could have reasonably wanted.

Hester totally and undeniably came through.

That same exhilaration and relief shot through me like a heatseeking missile during the first 90 seconds of the opening title track to "Chinese Democracy." This was what Axl Rose had wanted us to hear. This was it. It was like a pen full of demon dogs unleashed from the gates of Hell. The first 90 seconds of "Chinese Democracy" is unflinchingly miraculous. Axl Rose was about to totally and undeniably come through...

You may recall that the Bears lost the Superbowl 29-17 and Hester's return was the only highlight of the game for the Bears in hindsight. It was a letdown in every way possible and the Bears haven't been the same since.

You're hopefully connecting the dots between my comparison of the Super Bowl to this album. I'd like to think my readers are a little sharp.

"Chinese Democracy" is not a good album.

But we shouldn't be shocked by this, right? It couldn't possibly have been good. It turns out Rose has been stalling, not orchestrating. Shame on us for believing. "Godfather III" wasn't any damn good, why would this album be any different?

The sad-but-true answer is that it's not any different. Not at all...except that heart-stopping/breaking opening minute of the first track on the album. I was hoping to discover my long lost brother was still alive, but he isn't. Instead, I was visited by his ghost. Which might be worse, because it just makes me miss what no longer is there.

If "Chinese Democracy" serves any purpose, it is to absolve me of my hope for great hair metal in the future.

Once and for all.

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