Robo-Olympiad Michael Phelps returns to the pool this week after being sent to his room for three months to think about what he did. And what did he think about in that time? USA Swimming probably hoped Phelps pondered the foolishness of hitting bongs around cameras. Maybe they hoped he would realize that there are anywhere between 10 to 18 children hoping to become swimmers when they grow up and that those nerdy kids are looking up to him.
Now what do you suppose Michael Phelps actually spent his three months thinking about? If I had three guesses, I'd guess this, this or this occupied his mind. And let's get real, the USAS gave him a three-month suspension with the same fervor a proud papa punishes his son for winning a fight, only because his wife demanded he do so. USAS didn't want to be in dutch with the morality police calling for the 14-time gold medal winner's head on a pike. The USAS wants their golden boy to swim, they don't care if he hit the party pipe outside of the pool.
For the record, Phelps is a bonehead. But he's 23-years-old, I expect him to be a bonehead. My frustration lies in the moral watchdogs who pretend (at least I hope they're pretneding) to be surprised that a 23-year-old mega-star is a bonehead.
Suddenly, the golden boy lost his sheen and it became of the utmost importance to examine every dull spot in his facade. As if he had been trying to fool us along along. He hadn't. For a reputation to be tarnished, it had to have been spotless in the first place. It wasn't. And the world faking the veneer and then faking that the veneer had vanished is just...baffling. He was Michael Phelps, the ungodly perfect swimmer from Maryland. That was it. That was all we really knew (that and that his mother was a bit of a ham). So yeah, okay. Shame on Michael Phelps for inhaling an illegal substance and shame on him for getting caught (especially for getting caught). But shame on us for everything that happened after that.
Michael Phelps was dragged through the mud over this. He lost a Kellogg sponsorship (because the irony of a stoner gracing packaging of most stoners' favorite foods was just too rich) and even faced possible prosecution from a South Carolina county sheriff with a hard-on for the limelight.
It happened, yes. But let no one sell you on the fact that it happened in the name of truth or in the name of "impressionable children." Those reasons are as bunk and antiquated as telling and kid to not ever have sex and then congratulate yourself on doing such a fine job educating that kid on sex.
He wasn't using substances that enhanced his performance (quite the opposite) and for all intents and purposes, Phelps was in private when he did what he did. If we didn't want Phelps' action to make an impression on children, perhaps parading it in front of them on every news cast , web site and magazine article wasn't the best path to take, whaddya think? And just as we demanded the truth to out, we then demanded the truth go right back in its cubby hole by forcing Phelps to apologize for something he couldn't have been sorry for doing. The demand to rip down the veneer of Michael Phelps' untarnished character was voided the minute we decided a bullshit apology and a bullshit punishment were all we needed to make things right.
So here he is making a comeback from something that he shouldn't have been absent from in the first place. His comeback begins with the five events he will swim over the three-day Charlotte UltraSwim trial and will continue with the World Championships in Rome this summer. I can't help but feel the secret nature of his new freestyle stroke is an ace he's hoping to play if the bong talk follows him past his suspension. It shouldn't, but then again, here I am discussing it. And if the new stroke isn't enough to take weight off of Phelps' love of ganja, then perhaps all that noise he made a month ago regarding his sudden lack of passion for swimming was a result of finding anything else for he media to discuss.
Even this feels like a depressed high schooler making small wrist cuts then wearing a t-shirt to show 'em off. I can feel Phelps clamoring to be talked about and clamoring to shape the topic.
"I did make a mistake. It was stupid," Phelps said. "There are also some important lessons that I've learned. It is all about recognizing that I used bad judgment and it's a mistake I won't make again."
Smoking bongs at dorm parties maybe, but he's 23-years-old. Does anyone really believe he's an upstanding young man who's rid himself of all poor judgment? Okay smart guy, how do you explain her then? If you think Phelps is somehow better than the average 23-year-old, then you probably also believe he was the only one at that U of S.C. party hitting that bong.
Not to get all Chris Crocker here, but leave Mikey alone. In are search for truth we made him pretend he was something he's not - perfect. And everyone who demanded that action be taken against Phelps was also guilty of pretending that they don't know this type of thing happens. Pretending that any punishment or public atonement, no matter how trivial and unnecessary, will somehow make Phelps come to Jesus.
1 comment:
Michael Phelps is an American hero; he personifies hard work and a desire to succeed. Michael earned what he has unlike the wall street barons and crooked politicians of the world. The man is an American hero and most of us are proud and awed by his accomplishments in the pool. the fact that Phelps likes a glass smoking pipe, a hand rolled cigarette or big fat bong should in no way diminish the way we feel of the man’s accomplishments. Michael Phelps is doing his job and doing it to the degree of historical human greatness. Our admiration of this man does not give us the right to control his individual destiny or to judge his private choices through a lens of misguided morality. If one can achieve our world’s highest honors then they should be "free" in this country to their own pursuit of happiness.
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