The Eventual Fall of Sarah Palin

PALIN COMPARISON: This election won't always be about Sarah Palin, but
hopefully by listing enough examples of her incompetence, her fall will arrive
more rapidly

The most precient moment of what was widely considered a stirring speech given by presidential nominee Barack Obama at the Democratic National Convention capped off a litany of failed policies enacted during the Bush administration. Failure after failure hitting the audience like bullet shells on concrete, all of it ending immediately and harshly with a single poignant word:

Enough.

The second presidential debate aired tonight between Sens. Obama and John McCain. Amid a blinding storm of Palin-bashing and defending, I had forgotten who really matters in this election. I'm not the only one. Palin is insignificant, so insignificant in fact, that I plan to devote this entire blog entry to her. She's so insignificant that she is resurrecting the ratings of "Saturday Night Live," successfully taken the focus off of many campaign flubs McCain has committed since naming her as the Republican vice-presidential nominee (besides the flub of naming her in the first place).

Her possible proximity to the White House is farcical. It's as ridiculous as her bottled debate talking points, canned CrackerJack jokes and smug winks to America. But none of this rickety carnival ride would happen if we dismissed it outright and we haven't. We're rubbernecking the wreckage and perhaps setting up for our own crash.

Enough.

When President Bll Clinton was caught with his pants down, those pulling the impeachment strings by which Clinton found himself strung up, clucked continously about the abstract notion of Clinton's character. Americans were fed a healthy dose of "if he's crooked enough to get blown in the Oval Office, what else is he crooked enough to do?" It's an old algebra tactic; if you can't prove an equation, disprove its opposite. Clinton may not be bad, let's use this as an example of why he isn't good.

Apply that philosophy to McCain. Instead of using a snicker-inducing, lowest common denominator blow job, replace it with a snicker-inducing lowest common denominator Alaskan.

+ The McCain campaign did not properly vet Governor Palin. This is to be remembered first and foremost above all else. Perhaps if the Arizona senator had met her more than once, any number of the following topics of conversation would have caused him to look elsewhere for a "Vagina American" to absorb Sen Hillary Clinton's voter base.

+ Troopergate. Why have we started adding -gate to every incident and scandal since the Watergate break-in? Gate as a suffix, has no real meaning. It's like after Alex Rodriguez became A-Rod, nicknames simply became the mixture of bits of someone's first and last name. J-Lo, Li-Lo and eventually Brangelina and TomKat. Anyway...

Madame Governor improperly interfered in the investigation of an ex-brother-in law and failed to come clean about it more than once.

+ Gov. Palin inexplicably watches sketch comedy programming with the sound down. Imagine some comic dressed like you, talking like you, representing a funhouse mirror of how you act; wouldn't you be interested in hearing what that comic was saying, or at least, how he or she was saying it? Palin isn't. She said she had "the volume all the way down." She also added that even though she "didn't hear a word [Fey] said... [she] thought it was hilarious... spot on."

She's not only a poor liar, she's a non-sensical one. Why admit you watched it if you're just going to tell people you were staring at flickering images (of you) without curiosity as to the meaning?

+ Former McCain political strategist Mike Murphy and former Reagan speech-writer Peggy Noonan were on MSNBC discussing the Palin selection with Chuck Todd. The cameras stopped rolling (sort of) and the mics stayed on.

+ Gov. Palin co-opted McCain's "maverick" identity along with her opposition to earmarks despite aggressively pursuing earmarks for her Alaskan hometown.

+ Sarah Palin claimed military experience as commander-in-chief of the Alaska National Guard - when she had never issued a single order.

I did a week's work of stunt striving for "The Dark Knight" last spring, does that make me a movie star?

+ At the Republican National Convention, Sarah Palin employed the same philosophical advertisement for her ticket mate that the CW did for season two of "Gossip Girl."

"Harry Reid, the majority leader of the current do-nothing Senate. said, 'I can't stand John McCain.' Ladies and gentleman, perhaps no accolade is better proof that we've chosen the right man."

Now take a look at the teen smut show print ads to the left. Criticism-as-promotion.

+ Gov. Palin's pro-women without actually...y'know supporting most big-ticket women's issues such as forced pregnancy abortion.

+ Sarah Palin is against sex education preferring instead that children learn how to avoid turning out like her daughter Bristol through osmosis apparently. And she supports abstinence-only education, despite her oldest daughter, unmarried and as big as Katharine Heigl at the end of "Knocked Up" when they gave her that extra big prosthetic tummy.

+ Gov. Palin's botched interview with Katie Couric forced Sen. John McCain to cancel his appearance on David Letterman, do his own interview with Couric in hopes of taking away some of his own vice-presidential candidate's air time. Check out the damage done, when McCain was a "Late Night" no-show.

+ Alright, here's a quick finish in case you remain unconvinced that Madame Palin must be kept as far away from the White House as... well, as Alaska, let's say.

The Alaskan govenor isn't pro-woman. She's the right-hand, er...um, woman of a man who voted against the Lily Ledbetter bill designed to enhance the power to fight against wage disparagement between men and women. + She didn't sell a jet on eBay as she claimed. + She didn't fire her Governor's personal chef as she claimed. + She was for, then against, the for and she's now currently against (again) the Bridge to Nowhere. + I'll mention the Bush Doctrine here too. + There was her mispronunciation of Gen. David McKiernan as "McClellan" at the vice-presidential debate on Oct. 2.

What am I forgetting?

Here's a few other items I haven't listed:

Enough.

Making War Fun Again

It has recently been brought to my attention that Cameron Diaz has jettisoned Justin Timberlake from her romantic life (ten bucks says he won't be bringin' sexy back now) and I cannot help but believe that this event is in direct correlation to my recent post about Timberlake's ownership of Sexy.
But the power that I've obviously eccrued over time, does not come without it's price. I now realize my responsibility to you, the reader, to open your eyes to more important happenings in this world than caMALEtoe and the current location of Sexy.

I'm almost pro-war. I'm not yet pro-war, but I'm close.
And I should clarify that when I mean pro-war, I am not referring to our current situation with American troops in Iraq, I'm speaking about the idea of war. The jangle 'n' thud of nations engaging in a struggle of arms and power.
Yeah. That's what I'm almost completely in favor of.

Recently the New York Times reported on the Pentagon's goal to create fully functioning military robots that will take the place of U.S. soldiers. Okay, so I know what you're thinking and I agree; neither 'Terminator' film ended well, but this is different. James Cameron has nothing to do with this.
This entire idea got me thinking: if we as Americans, were neither taking nor expending human lives in pursuit of oil, power, land, allies, or weapons, would we really care whether or not we were at war? I have yet to hear a single American berating the fact that we are among the most powerful supernations in the world. The damning of our own country enters the argument only when we mistreat smaller, weaker nations in order to maintain such power.

So what happens if we just start blowing up robots instead of each other? Think about the hundreds of thousands of teenagers sitting in their mother's basement at this very moment exploding digital Nazis on their Xbox 360s. Many of these time-wasting teens couldn't get a job much better than Blockbuster Video, but if we employ the use of remotely automated robots, suddenly Skeeter and Drew are our nation's new incarnations of Navy Seals.
These geeks would kick ass.
So voila. In just 24 hours, I've put a stopper on all military human deaths, improved the teenage American workforce, and released Cameron Diaz back into the dating pool.
Do you think they'll mail me my Nobel or am I going to have to fly somewhere to accept it formally?
Heck, I'll even do you one better; with all the money the U.S. military won't be forced to spend feeding or paying soldiers - despite a multiple billion dollar spending plan by 2010 for these robots - we could invade whatever nations we need to, capture whatever it is we need from them, leave and use the rest of the money in a good-will effort to rebuild the war-torn cities we just finished ravaging.
C'mon, that's a clear-cut case of "meeting the enemy halfway".

The fact is, we love watching that show on television where a team of geeks pit their homemade robots against robots built by another team of geeks in a destructive grudge match to the death.
That show gets really nice ratings.
What I'm talking about is a multi-billion dollar version of that television program. Clearly, the American bloodlust is there, let's just make it more like a videogame.
Sure, we'll have to start out responsibly with our awesome warbots because the smaller, poorer nations will take a bit longer to design and manufacture their own, but that's okay.
We'll be patient.
We've already got warbots checking for landmines and scootering into dangerous terrain. Our next step will be to program warbots that travel from home to home gently knocking on doors checking for terrorists. Our country is so damn awesome that we'll even design little metallic hats for our warbots to politely tip if they happen upon a household with no terrorirst affiliations.
Y'hear me? We're building polite warbots. Take that 'Terminator'.
Eventually, like the atomic bomb, everyone else will catch up to our technological awesomeness and then our kickass warbots will do battle with their kickass warbots.
After that, we can just let the videogame dweebs go at one another like it was a 'Mortal Combat' tournament.

I imagine some of you are toiling right now to locate the holes in my "Vision of Human Peace" and that's fine. You have the absolute right to side with the war- mongers. Fair enough.
But just ask Timberlake, I make things happen. I influence powerful people and I'm tired of innocent soldiers and civilians giving their lives when there are so many unused robots that could be giving theirs.
I will save millions of lives and in so doing, will bring the fun back to International Combat.
You folks might wanna get on the bus now, it's rolling out soon.