Corporate Frosties

I'm sure I'm not the only one to carry the philosophy that if I'm ever able to finagle my way into a position of corporate power, I might just be able to stand big business on its head.

It seems so simple and it has nothing to do with public entities, business strategies or shareholder interests. A successful business just has to listen to it's clients. Not the guy's hired to represent the client base - they're full of shit. Most of those guys are working for the weekend.

Take the fast food restaurant Wendy's as an example. If you ask most Wendy's patrons (and we're talking millions of people) what they like best, dollars to donuts says they name one of two things:

1. chocolate Frostys
2. the 99 cent menu

Go ahead. Ask anyone who enjoys Wendy's what are the best aspects of that restaurant. Prove me wrong.

I recall rolling through the late-night Wendy's drive-thru a hundred different times on a hundred different nights taking advantage of that dollar menu; tiny portions of your favorite greasy fart-inducing food.

Most fast food joints realize they'll never get away with copying the Frosty. Wendy's won that war. If ice cream is a one and milkshakes are a three, Frostys are a two.

The baby bear with the just-right porridge.

The dollar menu, on the other hand, is a simple enough concept. Tiny portions for a dollar. Bums, high school kids, fatties looking to quell some guilt, indecisive munchers who wanted a little of everything: this facet reaches everyone.

Yet it took similar chains such as McDonald's damn near seven or eight years to ape this popular sales tactic.

Why?

Where were those afore-mentioned dudes hired to represent their restaurant's client base? Had they stood next to ANY Wendy's drive-thru on ANY Saturday night, surely these creative sales types would have deduced that they needed to sell things for 99 cents.

I deduced it when I was 19.
To look at her photograph on the Wendy's sign, Wendy figured it out when she was like, six or seven-years-old.

I'm telling you, if I ever find myself in a CEO position, you'll rarely find me swatting putts into a glass in my 50th story office.

I'll be sitting in a Wendy's fartin' out a 99 cent chili.