Kelly Ripken Jr.

I was in a discussion recently about the Baltimore Orioles' Hall of Fame third baseman Cal Ripken Jr. Actually, this is inaccurate, we were discussing Ripken Jr's wife, Kelly.

We wondered what the heading on all her mail looks like. Cal Ripken Jr's father was also named Cal (hence the Jr.) and when Kelly Greer married the Hall of Fame junior Ripken, she took his last name.

But what exactly constitutes a last name? Is she Kelly Ripken Jr. or plain ol' Kelly Ripken? She's undoubtedly been referred to as Mrs. Cal Ripken Jr., there's no confusion there. However, if Kelly Ripken leaves off the junior from her name, doesn't that suggest that she married Cal Ripken Jr's father? That being said, if she goes by Kelly Ripken Jr., it suggests her mother was both a Kelly and a Ripken, neither of which are true. If Kelly Ripken was a junior she would keep company with other women likely using the junior suffix to stand on the shoulders of their mothers' notoriety. Fashionista Carolina Adriana Herrera Jr., poet Winifred Sackville Stoner Jr. and Anna Eleanor Roosevelt Jr. all have different middle names from their mothers but were known as juniors. I know them as coattail riders.

But Cal Ripken Jr's mother isn't named Kelly and even if she was named Kelly, Cal's wife wasn't named after Cal's mother.

The mother-daughter duo on the WB's "Gilmore Girls" got around the situation by skipping the suffix and instituting a nickname. The daughter, although technically named after her mother Lorelai, simply became Rory.

So what should a woman call herself when she's married to a junior or senior or a third?

Wikipedia says :

A wife who uses the title Mrs. would also use her husband's full name, including the suffix. In less formal situations, the suffix may be omitted. Hence: Mrs. Lon Chaney Jr. on a wedding invitation, but Mrs. L. Chaney or simply Shannon Chaney for a friendly note. Widows are entitled to retain their late husband's full names and suffixes but divorcees may not continue to style themselves with a former husband's full name and suffix, even if they retain the surname.

I concede that Wikipedia isn't the best source for anything, but it is also the only source that has something to say about everything. Wikipedia is the overly talkative drunken uncle who never stops telling stories. Not necessarily reliable, but oft quoted.

In summary, Kelly Ripken leaves off the junior from her name and Cal Sr. has had a tense relationship with his son ever since.

This was all a roundabout way of half-assing a grammar lesson instead of an entertaining blog, but there' something vaguely lesbian-ish about woman with suffixes attached to their names and I wanted to do my part to cease any excess use.

Some conserve gas, I conserve gay suffixes.