Datred

So everyone's looking for what?
A house? A car?
We all eventually want two kids? Two-and-a-half kids? Two-and-one-third kids?
A dog? A cat that gets along with the dog? A bigger television than the neighbor?

I'm in competition with everyone. I don't usually watch more than eight hours of television a week, but dammit I want a bigger television than you. I don't drive more than two miles a day to work, but damned if I don't want sweet suicide doors on my car.
Why?
Because your car ain't got suicide doors.

I'm willing to pay thousands of dollars I don't actually have, just to get my grubby paws on a master's degree that says I'm smarter than you. A piece of paper that will prove once and for all who's boss.
Unless you have a master's degree from a school that's better than mine. If that's the case, I'll challenge you to some physical activity of which I can beat you.
Unless I can't beat you. If you out-wrestle, out-swim, out-box or out-javelin me, then I'm going to start dating someone and that someone will be better than whoever you're with... if you're with anyone at all.

And this is where I've seen a lot of battles come to a conclusion.

First of all, I can't explain why - even amongst friends - competition arises. I don't explain why so many people want things they can't explain their desire for. I don't know why two people who might have taken baths together, gone to prom together or played in the same band with one another, would ever be compelled to silently and subtly battle for the upperhand.
I can hear you asking, "Adam, if two people are silently and subtly competing for a better overall existence, why are you so sure there's even any competition?"
Truthfully, it's because I've won and lost many of these battles myself.
I want more than any of you've got and whether you'll admit it or not, you want more than the next guy over.

I've noticed over the last few years, as my generation moves away from toys and clothes as examples of primary status symbols moves towards (*gasp* dare I say...) family and careers that there's a whole new brand of angred and hostile "Haterade" out there and it's getting tossed all over people's backs like they just won the Superbowl.
Dater hatred. "Datred" for short.

It happens all the time, two friends drive to work together, play raquetball, work out, share each others Slurpees, invite one another to their home for tickle parties and "Grey's Anatomy", whatever it may be.
Then one of the two friends goes out on a date, leaving the other one at home to decide whether Izzy or Meredith is cuter - alone.
At first it's okay. No feelings hurt and it's a chance to dish and gossip because - let's face it - most first dates don't end up turning into wedding bells. The second friend is totally supportive.
But, alas (or is it "alack"? Maybe lo and behold? Yeah, I'll go with "lo and behold")... Lo and behold, the first date turns into three, four, eighteen, nineteen dates. And all of a sudden "Grey's Anatomy" alone isn't so cute.
The first friend is happy. Finding someone to go that extra mile with is a comforting feeling. Being inside a relationship is great and safe and somewhat relieving.
But to every ying there is a yang. And more times than not, two friends aren't dating anew at the same time. Either Friend #1 is newly dating and the other is already in a relationship, or Friend #2 is hitting a dry spell.
And if Friend #2 is hitting a dry spell, Friend #1 needs to be very careful how to proceed because the thin ice of friendship underfoot is cracking.
No one wants to see their friend miserable, but misery does love company, make no mistake about it. And there are a lot of people out there with the mentaility that if "I can't be happy, I damn sure don't want anyone around me to be."
So what happens to our hypothetical duet if one suddenly finds romantic happiness and the other is draggin' ass in the dried desert sands of love? Sometimes nothing happens. Friend #2 smiles through the pain, wished for the best and makes due.
But other times, "datred" happens.
Datred sneaks up and jams a big ol' burr in between the saddle of friendship and the horsie of fairness.
Datred ain't nothin' but pointed jealousy at a happy couple.
And there's not a whole lot anyone can do about it. Jealousy happens and everyone has just got to deal with it. You're no different and neither am I. I get jealous all the time.
I wish I had Ryan Cabrera's hair.
I wish I had Tom Waits' voice.
I wish I dressed like Beck.
I wish my parents swam in the same gene pool as The Gyllenhaals.

See? No one is immune and no one is perfect. But whether you're a dealer of datred or just snort it sneaky-style in a nearby alley, you'd be best served to remember that everything passes. Everything evens out.
And there's always a first date around the corner.